"I don't wanna burden nobody"

Abstract

The purpose of this study is to examine the experiences of African American females living with HIV in the rural Deep South. Using grounded theory methods 17 HIV positive females 22-44 years attending a Ryan White Clinic in rural South Central Georgia were interviewed. Participants were asked to describe how they found out they were positive, and what their life has been like since finding out their positive status. Interviews were initially coded using ATLAS.ti 5.2 statistical software, where 247 open codes were generated. Data reduction occurred during the next phase of coding during the focused coding process, where 8 main codes emerged with 24 different themes. The codes are as followed: 1) Finding out, 2) Life Circumstances, 3) Dealing with the news, 4) Coping with life, 5) Disclosure issues, 6) Small town living, 7) Views of the body and 8) Choosing life. Approximately half of the participants found out they were positive while simultaneously finding out they were pregnant, or during routine testing during pregnancy. All of the participants were infected by their husband, fiancée, long-term boyfriend, or a casual sexual partner that they knew for most of their life. Upon finding out their results approximately half contemplated or attempted suicide and all of the women went into some form of depression. A large portion of the study (68%) had been involved in abuse or intimate partner violence in their lifetime which may have increased their susceptibility to becoming infected with HIV. Additionally, although many women disclosed their status to their current sexual partners and family members, most did not disclose to their children for fear of burdening them with their illness. There were also expressions of the lack of confidentiality and quality of HIV-related care due to living in a small town. Methods of coping and living with the virus included increased strength and dependency on God, family support, and the desire to support their children. Implications for practice and research include developing more effective treatment and care for HIV positive persons living in rural areas, creating better support systems for children with parents living with HIV and examining the relationship between trauma and risk of HIV infection.